I’m coming to a consensus that I am unworthy of the life I live. I get a lot but I don’t give much. I don’t feel like I have deserved the life I have. I come home from school go to the gym sit on the couch do the bare minimum amount of work I have to do. Maybe this is just what it’s like living at home in your 20’s. But I feel like I have no skills to bring to the table. I love being around people and I like my time alone but it’s also when I think the most. Maybe that’s a good thing but it mostly feels like sad thoughts. I don’t want to pity myself or come off as more of a brat, it’s just how I feel. My mom makes me dinner every night. I don’t deserve this. I want to feel like the things I get in life I deserve. I haven’t ever worked for anything in my life. Well yes I have, but nothing tremendous. Idk what I’m supposed to do. I want to change and do good for the people around me but I also just have no motive or motivation to do it. Why. The good things in life feel so much better when you have worked and deserved it. It feels like everyone around me is depressed. And no wonder, it’s because we’re living in a first world country and good things don’t even phase us because there’s not much bad. Of course there’s bad, everyone goes through shit but on a day to day basis we all have roofs over our heads and a bed to sleep in at night. We shift our focus on dwell on the substandard parts of life. One bad day doesn’t equal a bad life. I think the secret to living a good life is working hard and doing good for others so when the extra good things come in life it feels like we’ve earned it. Guess it’s time to start grinding. Where am I going to find this motivation though?
