Never settle? That’s something I hear alllll the time. I just turned 22 years old and I’ve never been in a committed relationship. I like to think that because of the time were in right now it’s a lot harder for people to find someone they connect with. I don’t want to put all men into one pool, but in victoria the men have so many options. The pretty girls to standard men ratio is dreadful. Many of my friends have been in relationships and have had multiple boyfriends so maybe I’m the problem?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset I haven’t had a boyfriend. It’s more the WHY question. Why in all my 22 years have I never been able to connect so deep with someone I want to date them. Being young and single is awesome though, I have had quite crazy experiences that single ladies would not be able to do. I won’t get into that now because I want to stay on topic here. I’m not even sure if I want a boyfriend at the moment. Which is totally fine. This is where the problem lays though. My brain is overpowered by thoughts of men. Men I know nothing about or am not even interested in. For someone who doesn’t even know if they want a relationship, I spend too much time on dating apps talking to men that I would never even bother to hang out with. Am I just seeking attention? Is this boredom? This is a strange way to handle boredom.
I think I need to isolate myself from all male creatures. Maybe subconsciously in the back of my head I think there’s a slight chance of meeting someone on hinge? I’m not sure but the last time I actually hang out with someone it didn’t play out so well. I met this boy who I was attracted to and I did get along with. It was just casual hangouts and hookups which is what I was looking for at the time. I even told myself I wouldn’t want to date this boy because he’s already showed me the effort he’s willing to put in for me. However, even telling myself that I admit I did start to get a bit attached and started feeling anxious about the whole thing. I still don’t even know if I had actual feelings for him, or if it was just nice to be with a boy. I wonder if it would even matter who the boy is or if I would get attached to just anyone! Sooo I ended up ending things because in the long run this was only gonna affect me negatively and make me sad.
So now what? I like male attention I think. Who doesn’t? I think I just unlocked a code. This is exactly why I need to isolate myself from these creatures. I fear that I enjoy attention so much I just open myself up to anyone who is semi attractive. This is where the circle repeats itself. I need to start acting like this is an interview. Choose men wisely. I mean I’m only 22 so I won’t beat myself up if there’s an odd hookup in there, because now I know how to properly look for men. I’m not gonna open my heart up to any dummies. If I just sleep with them THEN I’M USING THEM TOO!
First step of action plan:
1.Delete hinge
2.Ignore all the men texting me because THEY DON’T EVEN LIVE HERE
3. Figure out what I’m looking for
I’m obviously not ready for a relationship right now as I want to focus on other things in life like school and travelling, family and friends. This is a time to figure out what type of person would benefit and add to my life.
